How to Know It Is Time to Get Divorced

 Posted on September 23, 2024 in Child Custody

Making the decision to end a marriage is one of the most difficult choices a person can face. Many people stay in unhappy marriages for years, hoping things will improve, especially if children are involved. However, there comes a point when the emotional strain, constant conflict, or outright neglect becomes too much to bear, and divorce arises as a possible solution.

Recognizing the signs that your marriage may be beyond repair can help you move forward with clarity and confidence. If you are feeling stuck and unsure of what to do next, a compassionate family law attorney in DuPage County, IL can provide the guidance you need to determine your next steps.

Your Spouse Ignores Your Efforts to Connect

When your spouse consistently ignores your efforts to connect emotionally or physically, it may be a sign that the relationship is struggling beyond repair. In a healthy marriage, both partners make an effort to understand and support one another. For example, you may try to initiate a heartfelt conversation or plan a special trip together, only to have your spouse dismiss your attempts, change the subject, or claim they are too busy. Over time, these constant rejections can lead to emotional detachment and resentment, making it harder to maintain a healthy connection. Ignoring these warning signs can make it more difficult to salvage the marriage.

Your Spouse Will Not Talk About the Relationship

Communication is one of the cornerstones of a strong marriage. When your spouse stops talking to you — whether about everyday matters, emotional concerns, or long-term goals — it can be incredibly isolating. You might find that they refuse to engage in even basic conversations about household responsibilities or future plans, preferring instead to retreat into silence or focus on their phone or TV. This lack of communication creates an emotional wall between you and your spouse, preventing any meaningful dialogue or conflict resolution. When open and honest conversations disappear, it becomes much harder to rebuild trust and move forward together.

Your Spouse is Probably Having an Affair

Infidelity can be one of the most painful breaches of trust in a marriage. If you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, it may be a sign that they are no longer fully committed to the relationship. Common signs include secretive behavior, like suddenly keeping their phone locked or unexplained absences, such as "working late" far more often than usual. You may also notice a shift in how they treat you — perhaps being unusually distant or defensive when asked about their whereabouts. While not every suspicion is rooted in fact, these red flags should not be ignored. Discovering an affair often leads to the realization that the marriage is no longer a healthy environment for either partner.

Your Values Are in Total Misalignment

Shared values form the foundation of any long-lasting marriage. When you and your spouse no longer agree on key issues — such as finances, parenting, or even fundamental life goals — it can create a deep rift in the relationship. For instance, if one of you is adamant about having children while the other has no interest in becoming a parent, or if you cannot agree on how to handle money, these differences can lead to constant tension. Misalignments on important life choices can cause ongoing conflict, making it difficult to compromise or find common ground. When values are completely misaligned, maintaining a healthy partnership may no longer be possible.

Your Children Are Being Abused or Neglected

Nothing is more important than the safety and well-being of your children. If you suspect that your spouse is abusing or neglecting your children, this is a serious red flag and a sign that your marriage may be putting your family at risk. Abuse can take many forms — from physical harm to emotional manipulation or neglect. For example, you may notice your spouse consistently yelling at your children, using excessive discipline, or leaving them unsupervised for long periods. Even if the abuse is not directed toward the children but they are witnessing violent behavior, it can cause lasting emotional damage. In these situations, divorce may be the best option to protect your children from further harm.

You Cannot Treat Each Other With Respect

Mutual respect is essential to any healthy marriage. If you and your spouse are no longer able to treat each other with kindness, consideration, and basic respect, it is a serious sign that the relationship has deteriorated. For instance, if arguments often devolve into name-calling, belittling, or even public humiliation, it shows a lack of regard for each other's feelings. Constant criticism and disregard for one another's boundaries can erode the foundation of your marriage over time. Without respect, even simple communication becomes a challenge, and rebuilding the relationship may no longer be possible.

You Do Not Work as a Team

Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses need to work together to face challenges and make decisions. If you feel that you and your spouse are no longer functioning as a team — whether it is in parenting, managing finances, or navigating everyday life — it can cause significant stress and frustration. For example, you might find that your spouse makes major financial decisions without consulting you or refuses to share responsibilities when it comes to caring for your children. A successful marriage requires both spouses to support each other and share in the workload. If one partner consistently acts independently or undermines your efforts, the imbalance can make it difficult to move forward together.

You Have Lost the Ability to Trust Each Other

Trust is one of the most vital aspects of a healthy marriage, and once it is lost, it can be difficult to regain. If you and your spouse no longer trust each other, it may be time to evaluate whether the relationship is salvageable. Trust issues can stem from various behaviors, including dishonesty, secrecy, or broken promises. For example, if your spouse frequently lies about small things, like where they have been or how they have been spending money, it can slowly erode the trust between you. Over time, these small breaches can build up and make it difficult to believe anything your spouse says, creating an atmosphere of suspicion and insecurity in the marriage.

Your Spouse Does Not Want to Fix Things

Finally, one of the clearest signs that it may be time to consider divorce is when your spouse no longer shows any desire to fix the relationship. Marriage can be hard work, and it is natural to experience conflict — but both partners need to be willing to put in the effort to make things better. If your spouse refuses counseling, dismisses conversations about improving the marriage, or seems indifferent to the issues at hand, it may be a sign that they have emotionally checked out. When one partner is no longer interested in repairing the marriage, it becomes nearly impossible to move forward together. Consulting with a family law attorney can help you explore your options if you are facing this difficult decision.

Should I Try to Save My Marriage?

Deciding whether to try to save your marriage is not easy, and every relationship is unique. It is natural to wonder if things could improve with time, effort, or professional help. If you and your spouse are genuinely willing to work on your issues — through marriage counseling, open communication, or other means — there may be hope for rebuilding the relationship. However, saving a marriage requires commitment from both partners. It is important to ask yourself whether you are both equally invested in making things better. If your spouse is unwilling to change, denies any responsibility for the problems in the relationship, or continues to engage in harmful behaviors like infidelity or neglect. It may not be possible to save the marriage. In these cases, divorce can be a healthy choice that allows both partners to move on and find peace. A trusted family law attorney can help you weigh your options and decide what is best for your future.

If I File for Divorce, Will I Regret It?

Deciding to file for divorce is a life-changing choice, and it is normal to worry about whether you will regret it. Divorce can bring feelings of uncertainty and loss, even if you know it is the right decision for your well-being. Some people fear that they will second-guess themselves, especially if they still have love for their spouse or feel pressure to stay together for the sake of the family. However, it is important to remember that staying in an unhealthy or unfulfilling marriage often leads to deeper regret over time. If you are feeling trapped or unhappy, divorce can be an opportunity to start fresh, pursue your own happiness, and create a better environment for yourself and your children.

That said, there are circumstances where people may regret getting divorced and could benefit from giving the marriage more time and effort. For example, if the issues in your relationship stem from temporary life stressors — such as financial troubles, job loss, or the exhaustion of raising young children — these problems often resolve themselves over time, especially if both partners are willing to work through them. After filing for divorce, couples sometimes realize that the core of their relationship is still strong, and with counseling or renewed commitment, they could have overcome these temporary challenges.

Another situation where divorce regret may occur is when the decision to divorce was made impulsively during a heated argument or emotional crisis. If emotions are running high, it can be easy to believe that divorce is the only solution, but after time and reflection, some couples realize they acted too quickly. In cases like this, taking a step back, seeking counseling, and allowing both partners to calm down before making any permanent decisions can prevent unnecessary regret.

Ultimately, the key is to carefully evaluate your reasons for wanting a divorce. Are the issues you are facing long-term and deeply ingrained, or are they temporary problems that can be resolved with patience and effort? A trusted family law attorney can help you explore all your options, giving you the tools and time to decide what is best for your marriage and your future.

Contact a Elmhurst, IL Family Lawyers

Every marriage goes through ups and downs, often many times over the course of many years. But if you are consistently experiencing any of these signs in your marriage, it may be time to speak with a trusted family law attorney. At Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC, we understand how difficult it is to decide whether to stay in a marriage or move forward with a divorce. Our experienced attorneys can provide the legal guidance and compassionate support you need to protect your rights and move toward a more positive future. Contact us today at 312-605-4041 to schedule a consultation with one of our knowledgeable DuPage County, IL family law attorneys.